I have been thinking about death a lot lately. Not in a suicidal, morbid way but just trying to grasp the reality that one day my loved ones are going to die.
Bringing a new life in to the world is the most amazing thing. I was in awe of life for weeks after LD travelled from belly to moses basket and I guess I still am. Death wasn't something I ever really thought about but now all of a sudden I am aware my parents and close relatives are getting older. I even catch myself looking at them and wondering who will go first.
The first and only time I have experienced the death of a loved one was when my dear dog and best friend Zoe died in 2007. The loss was tremendous and I still think of her every day. How can life go on after the death of a parent, sibling, spouse, friend? It's terrifying.
Since this has been at the forefront of my mind I have been open to hearing snippets of the topic on the radio or tv. Jeremy Vine was talking about our (the Brits) attitude to death ie. we don't talk about it and this perhaps creates a fear of the unknown. Should we open ourselves up to discussion and allowing our children to spend time with the bodies of relatives like they do in other countries? Perhaps. Afterall it is a certainty in all our lives and as natural a thing as being born.
I am not afraid of dying.
I am afraid of leaving LD and husband before my time and I hope with all my hope to have a long healthy life for their sake. Profound love and selfishness wants them to live a long a healthy life too.